Why are we so obsessed with other peoples’ choices?

Why would I poke my nose into someone’s personal choices, like if they want to have children, or not?

Because really, how does it affect me if my friend decides not to have children? As a matter of fact, it doesn’t! If that is what she or he wants, to be without children, it’s their choice. Many seem to think that choosing not to have children is a selfish choice, but isn’t it just as selfish to decide to reproduce your own genes?

More women than men are being questioned about why they decide not to have children, and we have to stop doing that. It’s a personal choice, their choice, and it’s got nothing to do with the rest of us. A woman without children is as much of a woman with children.

Stop saying to young women who say they don’t want kids, things like “Oh, you just wait and see, one day you will come around and want your own children”, or “life will be so empty without children”. Maybe your life will feel empty without (your) children, or maybe you always dreamt of being a parent. But we don’t all share the same dreams.

Even as a mother myself, I’m actually provoked each time I see/hear other women being questioned about why they don’t want children. Why is it that they have to explain or justify that choice? We never ask people to justify their choice of career, do we? So why is it so important to us to know why people, in particular women, chose not to have children?

I don’t have the answer to that question, but what I can say, is that I don’t see why it should be of any interest to me. It might be worth adding that some people really want kids, but they can’t have them, for various reasons. Insisting on asking them about when they are going to start a family or why they haven’t got children yet, is actually very disrespectful, and stir emotions better left alone at social gatherings. It’s not your right to know everything.

With the holiday season coming up, you might find yourself in company of people who has decided to live their lives differently than you. As they will probably never demand an explanation from you as to why you decided to have children, don’t demand an explanation from them either, because frankly speaking, they really don’t owe you one.

My life, my choice ❤
Photo: pixabay.com

International day for the elimination of violence against women

Today, November 25, is the international day for the elimination of violence against women.

Unfortunately, violence against women is still a major problem. Both domestic violence, and in society at large.

Women are always obliged to think about how to behave and to do risk-management when out in public places. We have long since understood that whatever we say or do, or the way we dress, can be used against us, should we be attacked by a man.

We are obliged to think about safety when we walk alone on the streets at night. Stay alert, footwear to run in, keys in one hand, cell phone in the other. Or we spend money on a taxi, as it’s better to be safe than sorry.

I don’t think men in general have any idea about how many things we women have to think about, just to get home safe at night.

Domestic violence is still a major problem in many countries. And we must not forget that it’s not that long ago that it actually became a criminal offense. For way too long it was seen as a conflict between spouses, belonging to the private sphere, not something to bother the police with. (This is still the case in many countries.)

Fortunately that has changed, but the problem has not disappeared. And it’s still under-reported. Add to that, that not all abuse comes in the form of physical violence. It can just as well be psychological in the form of control over the other person’s choices, and/or threats. This is harder to prove, as there’s no physical evidence (like bruises, broken bones etc.).

In the most severe cases, the violence is fatal, causing the death of thousands of women every year.

Much is done to help women escape domestic abuse, but the best thing would of course be to prevent it from happening in the first place.

We have a long way to go, but part of the solution should be to bring to attention from an early age the misconception that violence is an integrated part of being conceived as masculine. The two have nothing to do with each other.

A real man doesn’t hit his partner. Or his kids, or anyone else for that matter.

A real man doesn’t rape, he makes sure that his (female) friends make it home safe and sound.

In the end, women don’t want to be protected by men, we want protection from the perpetrators, so that we can feel safe no matter where we are, at any time of the day or night.

And don’t forget, as parents, we are responsible for our childrens’ socialization and moral education. Make sure you raise your boys to be good men.

What should we learn from the US elections?

I will leave to other analysts and journalists to dissect the American elections, and what we might expect from it. I would rather like to reflect a bit on what we on the other side of the Atlantic, who doesn’t like Trump and his counterparts, can do as to not end up in the same mess.

First of all, I think that a big part of the electorate on this side of the Atlantic as well, is fed up with status quo. No matter the politicians we elect, few things seem to change. One of the reasons might be that political parties that used to speak on behalf of the working class, no longer do that. Instead they have moved towards the centre or even to the right, in desperate attempts to win back voters who have moved towards the extremes over the past ten years or more.

One example is the Norwegian Labour party, whose economic politics now are hard to distinguish from the Conservatives. Most people with normal salaries have small benefits of their tax cuts, while the better fortunate end up with larger tax cuts. It doesn’t seem fair for most people.

Rich people makes lots of fuzz about the taxes they have to pay, and several Norwegian millionaires have fled the country in recent years, taking their money with them. My question is, why should the normal working class pay their taxes with a smile, contributing to the common health- and education system, among other things, when the most fortunate ones find every possible loop hole to avoid paying taxes, and then complain about every cent they “so generously” contribute? Until it gets unbearable for them… Poor rich people…

We see the same in other countries, where corporations and rich people seem to have priority over normal people. Politicians are worried about the level of national and international tests comparing the results of their students, while at the same time never allocating enough money to uphold good schools with good teachers. Our kids suffer from lack of resources, both economically and due to lack of staff. Absent teachers are not replaced, causing at times big delays in the courses. Our children are our future, it’s actually not just a fancy slogan. How are they going to proceed if they don’t even get a good basic education?

Who are going to take care of the elder population, if no-one in the end qualifies for medical and nursing studies? Or the next generations, if the quality of the teachers are in free fall? Who would even like to work in the public sector if the salaries are no longer sustainable?

The rich will always manage, as they can afford to send their children to private schools. But what about the rest? This is really the recipe for even bigger socio-economic differences.

The endless hunt for more profits and higher economic growth are going to kill us in more than one way. Moving all production to low-cost countries might have seemed as a good idea at one point, but it also took away lots of jobs, and with that people’s wages. If people don’t earn money, have can they consume anything? Those who really benefitted from this are the owners and shareholders of the multinationals. They are lining their pockets, while their employees barely make a minimum to survive. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. And the impression left with the masses, are that most politicians are in the pockets of the multinationals, in one way or another. People don’t care of the BNP is growing, if they can affort less with what they are paid.

There are vital institutions in our societies that should not be run for profit, and health and education are two of them. Since the late 1980’s and the 1990’s, when neo-liberalism really entered the public sector, hospitals are no longer just providing health-care, they are also supposed to make money. We saw some disastrous effects of this during the Covid-19 pandemic. Saturated hospitals, all over the world, resulting in lock-down of the whole world for months. The cost of this, in terms of both lives and money were horrendous. And I’m sure we would have managed better if we had not in all these years before, cut down on the number of hospital beds, and got rid of national stocks of basic medical supplies. In stead, the world as a whole, were dependent on supplies from China. As soon as the supply-chain broke down, because factories were closed and movement strictly restricted, we all got confined in our own homes.

All the applause, and all the big words spoken about health-personnel being on the frontline, with the people working in our supermarkets (one of the few things left open), about how valuable they are to the functioning of society, and still we pay them nickels and dimes. We keep rushing patients through the hospitals, because it’s not cost-effective to keep them there.

Maternity wards in smaller places in Norway are closed, because they are not cost-effective. And that is in one of the richest countries in the world. At the same time, Norwegian women are encouraged to have more children! Where’s the logic?

Universities have much suffered from the same changes in financing. It’s more important to push through a bigger number of students, than to assure good quality. The students comes under more pressure, at the same time as their financing is not keeping up with living-costs. The more they have to work in addition to being full-time students, the less time they actually have to prepare their courses. Less time to prepare, worse results.

If politicians see higher levels of education in the population as a means to counter future challenges, they should act on it, not just talk.

Because, as we all know, we have a lot of challenges ahead of us, with an ageing population and climate changes. Instead of giving us plenty of bullshit about how we are going to save the world if we recycle our waste at home and drive electric cars, they should put more pressure on the real big polluters to clean up their mess. I don’t say that we as individuals should not do anything, but what you and I do alone is not going to make much of a difference. When we say that we all need to pull together here, it actually includes the big corporations, who are reluctant to do major investments in cleaner technology, because it means less profit for them.

And cleaning up in our own neighbourhood is not enough. It changes nothing if European factories pollute less, if in the end it means that there are even more factories in Asia polluting even more. All because we have become addicted to our high consumption. We want a lot of stuff, and we want it cheap, cheaper and cheapest. And why do we want the cheapest? Because our salaries are getting less worth every year. Indirectly we are told by our governments that we are less valuable than the multinationals with their focus on constant economic growth. It’s more important to keep the rich both rich and happy, than to ensure a decent living-standard for the majority.

If you are serious about saving the planet, make sure that people can actually afford to care about the planet. Because when they can barely manage to make ends meet, it’s more tempting to vote for someone who promise them more value for the money, than anything else. For them, what do they care happens to the planet in ten to twenty years, when they are not able to put food on the table for their kids today?

Our politicians have to realise at some point, that we demand action on behalf of the normal and poor people now, not the rich and super-rich. That we, the average people, don’t care about the shareholders of multinationals, because they have enough money already to support themselves in this life, and probably the next twenty as well. We are fed up of being down-prioritised, of being neglected or fed fancy slogans that in the end means nothing at all.

Extreme-right wing parties say they stand with “the normal” people, which is why they are coming to power in several countries. I don’t buy their rhetoric, though, and I certainly don’t like their views on immigrants and other minorities. But lots of people do, and this should have been a wake-up call long ago for other politicians more moderate, both left and right, but specially to the left.

Those who used to represent the working class, have instead turned into an elite, that moves further and further away from their original base.

When they, and the moderate parties at the centre and right, start to put people over profit, the voters might come back. I advise that they give it a shot before it’s too late, and we find ourselves under the rule of neo-fascism all over Europe.