Review of “Confessions of a forty-something f##k-up” by Alexandra Potter

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With some personal comments…

A brilliant book about how life sometimes finds its own path, despite what we hoped for or planned for.

Nell, a British forty-something, who thought life was going the way she had expected it to go; soon to be married, living in sunny California, running her own business with her fiancé, probably kids in  the near future, suddenly finds herself single, broke and back in rainy London. She feels like a total failure, or as the title gives away, a f##k-up.

But despite the gloomy prospects, life can take unexpected turns. An encounter with an old widow brings along quite a lot of surprises, and new perspectives. The new friend of an old friend makes her want to grind her teeth, and online dating prove to be a challenge.

In the midst of all this, she decides to make a pod cast, just to let out some steam, to kind of “balance” the ever perfect Insta-life in her feed, without much hope of anyone actually listening.

I don’t want to reveal too much, but I think it’s not only forty-somethings who can identify with Nell. Albeit we might think that we have life figured out when we’re in our twenties, I can recall feeling like a twenty-something f##k-up. Being single, graduated from university, but not holding a job I really liked (or even remotely relevant to my studies), while my friends seemed to find relevant jobs (paying much better than mine), being in happy relationships, starting to marry and planning (and having) kids.

Then the same happened again in my thirties. Another relationship ended, I still had not much clue about what I really wanted to do professionally, as the jobs I dreamed of seemed out of reach, and my friends still seemed to have figured it out.

But then I finally landed a job a wanted, and life took an unexpected turn (I never planned ending up in France, but here I am…)

Still, even if I met someone, married and got kids, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a forty-something f##k-up more than once a month. Especially when scrolling through Instagram, looking to all the fabulous pictures of camping around a beautiful lake, a bon fire with a coffeepot hanging over (we’re not allowed to make bon fires in the wild here, and I miss it!), ski tracks through the forest (hardly anywhere to go cross country skiing here), or kayaking under the stars (I sold my kayak when I moved here).

I mean, we see what we want to see, we compare ourselves to different people. Meaning in my Insta-feed there are not may pictures of perfectly decorated living-rooms or ever-clean kitchens. But there’s all those other things I dream about doing, and I don’t get to do them, and I wonder how everybody else manage to do it “all the time”, and I feel totally…

But as Nell discovers, other’s perfect lives aren’t always that perfect, and that is my experience too, when we are being honest with each other. And no matter how we twist and turn things, what’s perfect for me, isn’t necessarily perfect for you. I think the key is to do what seems right for you, not looking so much to what other people are doing, but also realise that it’s totally normal to feel like a f##k-up at any stage in life. It should not even be embarrassing, as it’s human to make mistakes, and to take time to figure out what we really want with our lives. Honestly, I think very few people, if any, has never, ever felt like a total f##k-up. I raise my glass to every f##k-up out there, I’m sure I find myself in good company! Thanks to Alexandra Potter to make such a brilliant point of life’s imperfectness, the best since Bridget Jones entered the scene.

With that said, if you’re looking for a book to cheer you up, to make you laugh, to entertain you, and if you at any point in your life have felt like a total f##k-up, this is the book for you!

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It’s time to move on, no?

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Monarchy is outdated. Let’s face it. Inheriting titles and positions in Europe in 2023 seems out of pace with time.

Not that I have anything personal against the royals of Europe. I grew up in Norway, a monarchy whose members have caused very little scandal and controversy, expect the current king insisting on marrying the love of his life, despite the fact she was a “commoner”. Back in the days, that was sort of a huge thing, and he had to wait nine years for approval of his choice. Nowadays, nobody really lifts an eyebrow.

I like the Norwegian royal family, but still I find the institution of monarchy to be outdated. I find the concept of being born into a job, sort of, bizarre. And evidently many royals would rather prefer to live an anonymous life, doing something they have talent and interest for, instead of cutting ribbons and being chased by the paparazzi. I don’t blame them.

After watching “Harry and Meghan” on Netflix, I was down at the local commercial centre, and I was actually thinking about how wonderful it is to be able to walk around in peace and quiet, doing my things, without having to put on a disguise or being closely followed by bodyguards and paparazzi.

Recently, or should I say currently, there has been a bit of controversy evolving around the Norwegian Princess Martha Louise. She is engaged to a shaman, no less. An American, who had to be explained the dos and don’ts when it comes to interacting with a royal family. It’s been no secret that Princess Martha Louise has never been fully comfortable with her royal role, and she has established herself on the side-lines of the royal family. Despite the current controversy regarding her role, it’s nothing compared to what members of the British royal family has to put up with.

No other European royal family is even close to the endless chase of them, and I feel truly sorry for people who has to put up with this sort of thing.

Yes, they do live very privileged lives, but at what cost? A golden cage is still a cage. Family disputes and ruptures are still family disputes and ruptures, but the rest of us can deal with things like this way out of constant spotlight and public speculations. Like your parents’ divorce or your mother’s death at a way too young age are not enough to cope with, and then you have to put on a brave face and parade in front of thousands of people in the streets, and millions more in front of their tv-screens at her funeral. Who envies that?

I admit that I have, from early age on, read my part of articles and looked to probably thousands of photos of royals in magazines and online. As a little girl I was of course fascinated by the beautiful queens and princesses in their wonderful dresses and smart outfits. But the older I become, the sorrier I feel for them. They never asked for this attention. It just so happens that they were born into these families, who are supposed to represent a nation and unite it.

There are enough people out there who want to be in the spotlight. Movie stars, pop stars, politicians, and a bunch of others. Let them have the spotlight. They aim for it, they want it. And leave the others alone, at least give them some privacy when they are not representing their country. No matter how much we crave attention, we all need a fair bit of privacy as well.

I’m sure there are royals who would not change their position for anything in the world. They are not accustomed to a less privileged life, and less splendid surroundings. Other royals seem to have dreamed of getting out of the whole thing from the moment they realized what they were born into.

In any case, I find that time has caught up with the monarchy as institution. It’s time to abolish it, and to take on a more modern constitution.

No offence to anyone, I hold nothing against you royals personally. But inheriting a position from your ancestors seems way out of date. Even for such a jolly, grand-father-like king as Norwegian King Harald V and his heir, Crown Prince Haakon. No matter how jovial I find him, and his wife Crown Princess Mette-Marit, I think time’s up for the monarchy. I’m sure their daughter will be just as happy with a different kind of meaningful job in the future. As will several other royals who are still in their early years.

Woman, life, freedom!

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The Iranian government is exposing themselves as more and more ridiculous, and evidently nervous about their future. Another two executions of protesters happened Saturday, only three days after Teheran protested against “insulting” cartoons published by the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.

So far, four people have been executed since protests erupted in September 2022, and Iran Human Rights claim that at least 476 people taking part in the protests have been killed.

By the logic of the Iranian government, publishing satirical cartoons is far more severe than their own oppression and slaughtering of their own people. Condemning people to death sentence without proper trial and lack of evidence is ok. Picturing the ayatollah in satirical cartoons is not.

The Iranian authorities has demanded action and an apology from the French government, who responded that the theocratic regime in Teheran has nothing to teach France. They have clearly not understood that the French government is never going to condemn anything written in a French newspaper, as freedom of speech is highly valued in France.

Freedom of expression is a very bad thing according to the Teheran regime, evidently, but forcing women to wear hijab because: “Covering up causes a woman to be recognised in society by her thoughts and personality, not by her body and beauty,” (…) “This is the greatest service that religions, especially Islam, have given to women, which obliges her to observe hijab so that her dignity is preserved and she is not sold or passed around like a commodity.” (Part of statement from The Supreme Court of Cultural Revolution, cited in The Guardian 9 January 2023).

According to their logic, it’s all in the interest of women’s dignity and integrity, and not observing the strict rules of dressing correctly, justifies the authorities to arrest and beat up women, which is what happened to Mahsa Amini in September, and thereby sparked the nationwide protests.

When criticized, the Iranian authorities reject the criticism by calling it “Remarks of self-styled defenders of human rights are replete with racist thoughts.” (The Guardian 9 January 2023)

This from a government that claims that western societies have destroyed the family by promoting female sexuality, and who condemns homosexuals to death penalty. A regime that tolerates no opposition and who despises freedom of speech, human rights and democracy. There’s absolutely no logic to it, except a great fear of losing their power.

I wholeheartedly support the brave Iranian people who stands up against this regime. I hope that one day in the near future, they will be able to live without fear of repression and without violent retaliation for speaking out against the authorities. That women will be allowed to dress the way they want, that homosexuals can live without fear of being thrown off a building.

Jin, jiyan, azadi!

Woman, life, freedom!

Where are the women?

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So I had it confirmed finally, that feeling that things were not quite right in flim and tv-series. Today, I came across a column addressing the topic, and it referred to a study made by Dr. Martha M. Lauzen; It’s a Man’s (Celluloid) World, Even in a Pandemic Year: Portrayals of Female Characters in the Top U.S. Films of 2021.

I mean, you have probably noted it yourself, without giving it too much thought (at least it you are a woman yourself), that most films and tv-series you watch, are dominated by male characters. As a mother of two boys, I have seen my share of Marvel films the past few years. Loads of mostly white, strong guys, fighting some villain or several. The character “Black Widow” being a rare, female character. As a matter of fact, I got so fed up with this male, macho universe, that I told my boys and my husband that they can watch these films without me. I can’t stand it anymore.

We have also been through the whole bunch of Star Wars movies, several times, and not surprisingly perhaps, my favourite is “Rouge One” where we are introduced to the female character Ray. Equally not surprising perhaps, is the fact that this is not the favourite film of the rest of the family…

It’s a fact that I have a weakness for a variety of police/agent series, like NCIS, Hawaii Five-0, and New York Major Squad, to mention some. In all of them men are overrepresented compared to women. They do have female detectives and agents, playing central parts, but still, it’s rarely more than one female per team of 4-6 agents.

And it’s this that has been bugging me for some time. Why is it like this? Why this gross imbalance on average?

The column I read today also pointed to another interesting fact. The author had noted that the films Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and Turning Red, reviewed by males, were viewed as “overwhelmingly” female (Wakanda Forever), and “for relatively small audience” (Turning Red).

Wow! Just because they can’t, for once, identify with the leading character? I don’t know if I find it tragic or comic, that these men whine over these facts. I mean, I don’t expect a man in his 40’s to really identify with a girl growing into puberty, getting her period and experiencing all the hormones raging her body. But I do expect that he can appreciate a film that focus on something else than girls going teenage, wanting to be a perfect little woman pleasing everybody. Because that is how I often see girls portrayed in movies, glossy creatures with long, shiny hair and perfect skin. Well, mister, welcome to the real world! We are quite a few out here who appreciates new ways of presenting our gender!

Being underrepresented everywhere, I think we women are used to stretch our imagination to fit into a universe that often seems to ignore us. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. Girls growing up deserves heroes of their own, whom they can identify with, that look like them. We need more females of all ages on the screen, of all colours and all sizes. (I think our boys could need a bigger variety of shapes and colours to identify with as well). We need more multi-dimensional female characters, in all kinds of films and tv-series. We need more Dana Scullys and Rebeccas (from the 2013 movie “1000 times good night”). Rebecca is a photo journalist, travelling to war zones, while her husband is the one with local based work, taking care of their kids. I found that movie so inspiring! The roles were completely turned around, and I adored it. Because that it also how it can be. We are way too much told the story of the man with a career, and the woman sacrificing herself for the wellbeing of the rest of the family. I welcome every challenge to that image.

I do have to point out at the end, that there have been some rather fun movies presenting girls in a more interesting manner. When I grew up, it was with Pippi Longstockings, a rare female superhero at the time. Pippi really challenged the ideals of how girls should behave at the time (and still do). Recently, I watched Enola Holmes on Netflix, the two films, and I find them amusing and inspiring. And I like to present my boys with something other than the stereotype heroes they are used to from the Marvel universe. Boys, like girls, need the current stereotypes to be challenged. They need to see that there are many ways to live their lives, that humans are complex beings, not divided into “soft creatures” (women) and “tough heroes/villains” (men). Women can be tough, men are allowed to show feelings and cry. I wish we could see more of that, too. Not just in sentimental dramas, but in action movies as well. Why is it always the female characters that grab the box of Kleenex, while the men punch the wall?

Most of all, I would like to see more female, complex characters. The fact is that women makes up about half the population of this planet, but when watching movies we are reduced to a small minority. It’s time to do something about that.

Happy new year!

Have we already forgotten about Afghanistan?

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Seven months after the Taliban took power in Afghanistan, there’s not much news published any longer. Of course, the past month, most has been about the war in Ukraine. That is understandable, but we must not forget that there are still crises going on elsewhere at the same time.

The situation in Afghanistan is still severe, even if humanitarian agencies have managed to distribute enough aid to avert famine and starvation. The winter is now coming to an end, but nearly 20 million Afghans have received aid during the last six months. Without rapid change of the system, it means time is bought for now, but the crisis will return next winter.

The situation for women is worse than ever, since they have not been allowed to return to work since he Taliban came back in power. The exception is teachers and health staff, but even if they are allowed to work, they are not paid. Previously women were even denied begging, just because they are women (see hrw report)

In families where the main, or sole, breadwinner is a woman, it causes huge problems of feeding their families. On top it is hard to access cash, even for those who has savings. The limit of weekly cash withdrawals is very severe, and inflation is high.

Fayzabad, Afghanistan, November 26th, 2008 – Two Afghan Woman in Burkas.
2021: The return of the burka.
Photo: istockphoto.com

Taliban has also revoked the freedom of movement of women. They are no longer allowed outside their home without mahram, which means male escort. Even going to a health clinic for women, to be treated by a female doctor, needs a male escort, because to register requires interaction with a man at the “reception desk”, and he refuses to speak to women directly.

“A former medical student accompanied her pregnant sister-in-law to the doctor. “The Taliban didn’t let us enter the clinic because we didn’t have a mahram,” she said, adding that the appointment was with a female doctor and the clinic was segregated by gender inside. To enter the facility, however, they had to register and receive a card and the person handling this process was a man. Taliban rules prohibited him from interacting with women, and only permitted him to speak with their mahram. The women were forced to call the interviewee’s brother, who arrived an hour later, to register them. “They don’t even have mercy on pregnant women, let alone others,” the student said. “This is so humiliating.”

Taliban has also forbidden taxi drivers to pick up women travelling alone. This makes it impossible to escape a violent husband. Not that the women have any place to take refuge, since Taliban has also closed down all shelters for women, in addition to close down Ministry for Women’s Affairs. In its place they reinstated the Ministry for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. This ministry is known from the last period of Taliban rule to be extremely severe in their pursuit and punishment of women who do not behave according to their standards.  

When they came to power in August 2021, the Taliban spokesperson Zabiullah Mujahid said that “our sisters, our men have the same rights”, but it was soon enough clear that this is certainly not the case. The fear of reprisals if not modestly enough dressed, has also forced most women back into the burka, when they have to leave their house.

Recently secondary schools for girls were said to open again, just to be closed again the same day. Since Taliban came back, girls are only allowed to attend school up to 6th grade.

An empty classroom illustrating the closed girls’ schools.
Photo: unsplash.com

Education is vital for a country’s development, and as of current only 43% of the Afghan population is literate. That is an improvement, but it still means that 57% are illiterate. This is not likely to improve in the near future, with a government who is more interested in religious education than literacy and science. It seems like it is more important to the Taliban that people can recite the Koran, and know the “proper way of dress and behaviour”, than give them a proper education.

Already several ministries are closed due to a lack of qualified people, as those who were qualified have fled the country or stay away out of fear for reprisals.

This is a sure way to keep Afghanistan a poor and backwards country, with no prospect of developing any time soon. It also means the population is doomed for poverty, joblessness and a constant struggle of feeding their families. It also means that the conditions for girls and women will not improve in the near future.

Taliban is trying to brand themselves more “modern” towards the outside world, but we shall not be fooled by their attempts at doing so. Inside Afghanistan they have imposed strict rules on journalism, and it is forbidden to say anything “contrary to Islam” or that “insult national figures”.

So far about 40% of the Afghan media sources have shut down, and the latest is that local channels are ordered not to broadcast content for international partners, which all in all drastically limit the accessibility to news.

It is important that we do not forget about Afghanistan and the poor situation for its inhabitants, especially the women and children. The Taliban needs to be pressured by the outside world to grant all its inhabitants their human rights, freedom of movement and free speech, and their barbaric methods of punishment must be stopped immediately.

Featured image: Wanman Uthmaniyyah, unsplash.com

Sources/further reading:

https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2022/country-chapters/afghanistan

https://www.hrw.org/news/2021/09/29/list-taliban-policies-violating-womens-rights-afghanistan

https://www.hrw.org/news/2021/09/29/afghan-women-frightening-return-vice-and-virtue

https://www.hrw.org/news/2022/01/18/afghanistan-taliban-deprive-women-livelihoods-identity

https://text.npr.org/1046952381

https://theconversation.com/afghan-women-face-increasing-violence-and-repression-under-the-taliban-after-international-spotlight-fades-176008

https://theconversation.com/taliban-2-0-arent-so-different-from-the-first-regime-after-all-173394

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/nov/23/afghan-journalists-taliban-rules-restricting-role-women-on-tv

https://www.dw.com/en/taliban-are-revoking-afghan-womens-hard-won-rights/a-60283590

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-60893054

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-60845540

Trying to piece it together…

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Three weeks into the war in Ukraine it seems hard to predict the outcome, except for the fact that Ukraine will be left in ruins. What we all hope for is that the Ukrainians will get out of this war as a free and democratic country. And perhaps it should be added that a lot of us also hope for the fall of Putin as a consequence of his totally unjustified attack on Ukraine.

What we do already see the contours of, is a new approach in the West towards securing their own energy supplies, to be able to get out of the Russian grip. We have also been reminded of how vulnerable we are as Ukraine and Russia are the leading suppliers of wheat, sunflower seeds, gas and ingredients for making fertilizer. The war, in addition to the recent pandemic, has already caused shortages, and experts warn of even higher prices of food as farmers all over the world will face shortages of fertilizer, resulting in less productivity and thereby higher prices. The higher prices of food, fuel and electricity are already duly noted by consumers everywhere.

The question now is, how are we going to meet the challenges we are facing? For sure, not being dependent of oil and gas from Russia is a good start. Will it be a push to the green shift, or not? It has also become evident that supply chains can be highly unreliable, and so it has sparked a debate about self-sufficiency in some countries, like in Norway.

High food prices is of great concern all over the world. For the middle class, they might be able to re-prioritise their spending, e.g. cut down on “luxury” spending like vacations, new furniture, and new cars. For the poorer segment of society, it will add to their hardship. They do not have much to spend in the first place. Increased prices on both energy, fuel and food will hit them very hard. What will the various governments do to ease their strain? Because if nothing is done, there will be a risk of violent protests, like the Yellow Vest movement we saw in France only a few years ago, or the Egyptian revolution in 2011.

The Ukrainians are fighting for their sovereignty, freedom and democracy. Values that the West seems to take for granted, even though we have had a couple of reminders over the past few years that we should not. What happened in USA during the time Trump was president, and what happened after the 2020 elections should be carefully noted. Poland has also been moving in a less democratic direction lately, as have Viktor Orban’s Hungary. In France extreme right-wing candidates are ranking high on the polls before the upcoming elections this April. Perhaps Putin’s war in Ukraine will help undermine them, as we are now reminded of what extremism and despotism look like.

The Russian people are obviously asking themselves these days if they are heading back to the way of life they experienced in the Soviet Union. No freedom of speech, no Western import goods, restricted travel, high inflation etc. In other words, is Putin about to pull a new iron curtain between Russia and the West?

The young generation of Russians have grown up with access to everything we have in the West. Will they accept going backwards? Is there any chance they will be able to change the direction their country is about to take? Considering the massive protests against the war it certainly looks like they will not let themselves be oppressed without fight. Others are simply leaving their country.

Most European countries have decided to expand their military spending, in addition to seek solutions to an acute energy deficiency. They have also been very a wide consent regarding the sanctions against Russia, and what is at stake in a broader view. Democracy in itself is threatened. How are we going to cope with that?

Frankly speaking, I have more questions than answers these days. The latest news is that Putin has laid out his demands for peace, but the details are not yet known, adding to my list of questions.  

Whatever happens over the next weeks, the world will not be the same as it was before February 24, 2022.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

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From time to time, I get this saying on my mind, I guess because it has a nice rhythm to it. I know it’s a saying concerning good luck for a wedding/marriage, but it has occurred to me that it is a good way to explain migrant life. Here follows my little “analysis”, and I think it is one that most migrants can relate to.

Something old…

The old represents all the cultural luggage we bring with us. It includes among other things our maternal language, traditions, values, worldview, conceptions and so on.

When arriving in a new country, we are expected to leave, if not all of it, so at least some of it, behind. But that is near to impossible. These things are part of who we are, it’s kind of in our bone marrow. And even if some of these things might fade, or disappear, it doesn’t happen overnight.

All Norwegian kids climb on the svaberg, i.e. the rocky formation on the coast, in the summer. It’s a big part of my childhood.
Photo: TBermond

Unless we are already fluent in our new language, and have a habit of using it already, we keep thinking (and dreaming) in our mother tongue. Our mother tongue also defines our way of seeing the world, how we organise it, how we relate to others.

We also carry with us all those unexplainable rules about how to manoeuvre in society. What is polite, what is not, how to greet each other, when and with whom to be formal, and with whom we are informal. These are things that we learn from childhood, and it is hard to explain to others why it is like this. It’s just how it is.

Leaving all of this behind the moment you step on foreign soil is impossible, because it would be like erasing who you are.

Something new…

That will be about everything we experience in our new country. The language, the culture, the food, how society is organised, values, traditions, social codes… It might even include the climate and topography.

Depending of our place of origin, what is new can be right out shocking, or it can seem familiar, at least on the surface.

The beach in Nice
Photo:TBermond

In my case, the move from Norway to France seemed rather smooth at first, but I soon realised that even if the food was not that different, the unwritten and unspoken rules for socialising was indeed very different. Not to mention the language, which I didn’t master at all upon arrival.

I asked many questions about how to behave correctly, or perhaps rather why people do like this or that. But the answers remind vague until this day. With that said, little by little I have learned to manoeuver more in accordance to the rules, but I suspect that I will never master it as a native French. That’s also because at times it feels so contradictory to what I am used to, that it’s hard to adapt fully. I never want to be rude or insult someone by intention, but at the same time I find it hard to submit to social rules I find somewhat ridiculous. (Just to make it clear, I do respect the French law!)

In any case, as years have gone by, I have adopted a lot of French habits. It’s hard not to, when it’s part of your everyday life. And being married to a French, and raising our kids here, it feels only natural to adapt to my new environment.

Something borrowed…

It will be a natural continuation of “something new”, and the most important thing that we “borrow” when we arrive in a new country is the language. It’s the key to get to know people and to understand what’s going on both “big scale” (society) and “small scale” (local life, everyday life).

For some, learning a new language is easy. They arrive, and voilà, they master the language after a few months. That must be so fantastic, and people like that really impress me big time! But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that for most of us. We don’t go to bed one evening, and wake up the next morning speaking our new language fluently. It takes time, and it takes patience. Not just for the newcomer, but also for the others.

To be honest, this is not my preferred books! But they are very useful, along with my dictionary and the litlle book with Franch verbes listed.
Photo: TBermond

When I was still struggling a lot with the language, I got so upset with people who didn’t care to speak slowly, and who didn’t care to make an effort to understand me. I knew I made plenty of mistakes! I pronounced words wrong (I still do!), my grammar was horrible (it’s getting better). But I made an effort, and I just wanted people to understand that. When I got to know people who appreciated me learning their language, when they took effort to speak in a way I would understand (simple phrases, speaking more slowly), and gently correcting me, I was so grateful! And that made a big change in my progress.

The longer you stay in a new country, the more you pick up “their ways”. As mentioned above, it feels natural to adapt elements from the new culture as time goes by. And even things that seem strange in the beginning, becomes a natural part of life. Maybe you don’t even really notice these small changes at first, but they become evident when you go back to visit your home country. It can be the way you organise the day, or what you prefer to have for breakfast or dinner. Or the way you interact with other people. Myself, I have happily adopted croissants for breakfast, the ritual of aperitif, or apéro as they say, and cheese after dinner. None of this is common in Norwegian daily life.

Miam mian! Looks good, no?
Photo: TBermond

Something blue…

Every migrant knows that there are moments, short or long, when we feel bewildered and lost. Moments when we don’t manage to make ourselves understood properly, when we have this mixed feeling of anger and sorrow because we want to say something, but we lack the words. All the conversations we miss out on, because we don’t manage to articulate our views in our new language.

Moments when we feel utterly homesick, and just want to jump on the first plane to our native country. When family and friends could just as well have been on the Moon, because they are no longer where we are. Phones are good, but it’s not the same as sitting face to face.

When we realise that friends got lost, because it turned out to be too difficult to keep in touch when the geographical distance got too big, and daily life is too full of whatever needs to be done.

When we feel like having a proper conversation in our mother tongue, to discuss something important in life, but there’s no one around.

When something out of the ordinary happens, and all we want is to be close to our family and friends, but it’s not possible. Like when someone in the family turns sick, or dies, or someone is celebrating an anniversary or wedding, and we are not able to attend.

One of my favourite places in Norway.
Photo: TBermond

Feel free to leave a comment it you have something you would like to add or experiences you would like to share. Wish you all a nice day!

Den internasjonale kvinnedagen 2022

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Dagen er her, den internasjonale kvinnedagen 2022. Noe fremgang har det vært det siste året, abort er legalisert i Colombia, Mexico og San Marino. Samtykkelov, som definerer sex uten samtykke som voldtekt, er innført i en rekke europesike land, blant dem Danmark, Sverige og Island. Andre land vurderer også oppdatering på utdaterte lover som gjelder voldtekt. Disse landene er Finland, Nederland, Spania og Sveits. I 2021 bestemte omsider norske politikere seg for at Norge også skal få en samtykkelov. For et land som hevder å være best i klassen på likestilling, var det på høy tid!

Dessverre er det sånn at selv om det har vært fremgang på enkelte områder, så har det gått i revers på andre. Etter to år med pandemi har andelen jenter under utdannelse gått kraftig ned. Vold i hjemmet har økt, noe som først og fremst rammer kvinner og barn.

Tilgangen til helsetjenerster for kvinner, spesielt angående reproduktiv helse og abort har mange steder fallt helt bort, og er blitt sterkt redusert andre steder.

Etter Talibans overtakelse av Afghanistan, har jenter over 12 år mistet retten til å gå på skole, kvinner har mistet retten til å arbeide, og kvinner får ikke reise med offentlig trasport uten å være i følge med en mann. Tjue års kamp for kvinners rettigheter i Afghanistan, alt som var oppnådd, ble blåst bort over natten da Vesten lot Taliban få komme tilbake til makten.

I Etiopia brukes seksualisert vold, spesielt mot kvinner, som et våpen i krigen. Både etiopiske og eritreiske soldater er skyldige i voldtekter og andre seksuelle forbrytelser mot kvinner i landet.

I USA har abortmotstanderne vunnet stadig mer terreng, og ingen har kunnet unngå å få med seg at staten Texas har innført tilnærmet totalforbud mot abort. I juni 2020 kommer abortspørsmålet opp for høyesterett i USA, og tilgangen til trygg og lovlig abort står dermed i fare i hele USA.

Krigen i Ukraina viser oss nok en gang hva en humanitær katastrofe innebærer for kvinner og barn. Denne krigen føyer seg inn i den sørgelig rekken av land hvor befolkningen allerede lider, som I Jemen, Afghanistan, Etiopia, Myanmar, Syria…

Kvinnekampen handler om så mye mer enn likelønn og fordeling av foreldrepermisjon. Disse sakene er også viktige! Men det faktum at vi i Norge og Europa har gjort store fremskritt på disse områdene, betyr ikke at kampen er over. Fremdeles er det millioner av kvinner og jenter der ute som har behov for at vi også fortsetter å holde fokus på saker som lik rett til utdanning og arbeid, at vi fortsetter å jobbe mot barneeksteskap og omskjæring, bedre rettsvern for voldtektsofre og kvinner på flukt, for sikker tilgang til trygg og lovlig abort, sikker og trygg tilgang til prevensjon, og tilgang til forsvarlige helsetjenester, for å nevne noe.

La oss jobbe mot en bedre verden, for absolutt alle, ikke bare i dag 8. mars, men hver dag hele året!

Kilder:

International Women’s Day: Dramatic deterioration in respect for women’s rights and gender equality must be decisively reversed
Rapport fra Amnesty Internasjonal i anledning kvinnedagen 8. mars 2022

https://samtykkelov.no/internasjonal-oversikt

https://amnesty.no/endelig-norge-far-en-samtykkelov#:~:text=I%20dag%20ble%20det%20endelig,alle%20som%20har%20opplevd%20voldtekt.&text=Det%20er%20en%20fantastisk%20seier,voldtekt%20kan%20etterforskes%20og%20straffes.

8 March 2022

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Another 8 March. And still we have to march and speak up for women’s rights. For our right to control our own bodies. Our reproductive health. For our right to marry of our own will, when we come of legal age, and not as child brides. We have to fight for maternity wards and access to mid-wives, for contraceptives and informed family planning. We have to fight for access to free and safe abortion. For equal status and equal rights. For women’s health to be taken as serious as men’s health.

It is true that in some countries women has fought and won certain rights, and that on paper there’s equality between the genders. But putting something on paper, doesn’t mean it works like that in real life. Men are still over-represented in higher positions. Women are still over-represented in low-income jobs and part-time jobs.

Women are still being labelled “hysterical” if they speak in a loud voice and gesticulate, while a man is deemed to be “powerful”. Girls are still taught to be nice, gentle and caring, while boys are expected “to be boys”.

Women are still blamed for sexual assault, when in fact they are the victim. They are asked questions about their way of dressing, and their behaviour. Because they must have done something to attract a man’s attention. When in fact it’s the man who has shown no respect for the woman.

I write this while there is an ongoing war in Ukraine. A war set in motion by Putin. I cannot even start to imagine the horrors the Ukrainian people are living right now. Parents, grand-parents and children taking shelter from the bombing. Heroic women and men fighting the Russian army.

As we march for women’s rights on this particular 8 March, let us also march for all the innocent victims of this war, and every other war. We are women, we are able to carry two thoughts at the same time, and to multi-task!

International Safe Aborion Day

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Today it’s the International Safe Abortion Day, and I wish it was not necessary to have such a day in the calendar, because safe abortion should be granted to every single woman in need of one. With that said, I hope putting focus on this will be for the good.

While progression has been made in some countries over the past few years, like in New Zealand, South-Korea, Argentina, Ecuador, Thailand and Ireland, other countries have taken a step backwards.

In Texas a new law, making abortion an act of crime, has been passed. Even if President Biden has promised to protect the clinics, this is a horrible development in one of the world’s most developed countries.

Religious and archaic cultural views should not dictate women’s right to control their own bodies and reproductive health. In line with the same outdated views, comes the lack of sexual education, education on reproductive health in general, and not the least, the lack of access to contraceptives.

On top of that, we can add a general lack of respect for women, and the fact that it’s the women who are punished to breaking the law by getting an abortion, while the perpetrator gets away unpunished.

The result of all this are tens of thousands of unsafe abortions every year. Women die during or after these procedures, approximately 22 000 every year! A lot more suffer from long term complications, and many are never able to get pregnant and have a child later.

This is not acceptable, it never was, and it certainly should not be acceptable in 2021!

We cannot keep silent about this. We have to keep fighting until every woman on this planet has the right, and the access to safe abortion and safe post-abortion care.

#InternationalSafeAbortionDay

For further reading:

https://www.safeabortionwomensright.org/news/international-safe-abortion-day-28-september-2021-first-call-to-action/

https://www.who.int/news/item/28-09-2020-international-safe-abortion-day

https://www.who.int/health-topics/abortion#tab=tab_2