I love clothes. I’m not talking about the latest fashion, or designer clothes, just ordinary stuff that is available for normal people like me. And why do I like clothes that much? Because it’s so funny to play with them! You can express how you feel, whom you want to be, whether you want to be the peacock, or rather just blend in. You can create different “personalities” depending on your mood. You can go rock, classic, chic, romantic, western style… you name it.
But more than that, I love styling clothes. Not like what you see on the catwalk, or in the fancy magazine photo shoots, but you know, just adding that little extra. The things that make the difference between putting on clothes, and actually wearing them. Those little things that makes your outfit personal. It can be different kinds of jewellery, a nice belt, a handbag, the shoes or boots you chose. A scarf, or a hat perhaps.
I have no need to be the peacock in the park, but I do like a bit of colour as it boosts the energy. Except those days when I fall back into black, as was the only colour I wore for years as a student. It’s something about it, just popping back to those days from time to time. But it needs some edge, because I don’t like to feel entirely invisible…
I don’t care much about the latest fashion (as a matter of fact I can be extremely slow to pick up on things, if I pick it up at all), I just care about feeling good in what I’m wearing.
I get inspired by people I see on the street, or on Instagram, that have a relaxed but edgy style. Then I figure out how to adapt it to make it my style. In my opinion there’s a difference between inspiration and copying, and I make an effort not to do the last.
It might sound as I spend a lot of time thinking about clothes; what to wear, what to buy, how to wear it. Well, I don’t really… It’s just that I enjoy feeling well about myself when I get out of the house, or when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Wearing colours and feeling well, gives me a boost. While on a bad day, when I pull out the first pair of pants and the first sweater, it drains my energy to even see myself in the mirror. Changing that grey sweater for an orange one might not totally save the day, but it certainly lifts the spirit a bit.
Dressing well gives others a nice impression of you, but most importantly, it gives you a nice impression of yourself too! Bottom line is, I dress for my own pleasure, not anyone else’s.
So even if you don’t care about dressing up for other people, dress up for yourself! When you feel good, you get into a better mood, and you feel more confident about yourself. Why miss out on that?
I know it sounds like a cliché, but isn’t it what we all really want? To be able to live our lives in peace and quiet, minding our everyday lives? Send our children to school, go to work, spend time with our family and friends, and live in a safe neighbourhood. Having a roof to sleep under, and food on the table.
Unfortunately, too many people don’t have this. With wars raging, failed crops, poverty and power-hungry people, who do whatever they can to grab power, and then to keep it, regardless of the well-being of others.
There’s Putin who decided to invade Ukraine, for reasons that are still obscure to me. There’s Israel who’s relentlessly bombing Gaza, claiming “in self-defence”. While Hamas leaders are most likely safe somewhere else, far away, while the civilian population has nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
There’s Taliban who came back into power in Afghanistan, depriving women of the scares rights they had been able to obtain during the past twenty years. And the men too, for that matter. No more freedom for anyone, except the Taliban themselves.
The war in Sudan, causing thousands to flee, causing so much pain and trauma. The refugees in Libya, desperate to cross the Mediterranean in the hope of a better life in Europe. Many of them will never make it, and for those who do, life will not necessarily improve.
Still it’s only the top of the iceberg.
Peace and love, it’s what we all seek. It’s what we need, what we want. Some of us are so fortunate to be born in countries where we take this more or less for granted. We don’t need to worry about bombs, or our houses being raided by neither soldiers nor fanatics during the night. We sleep in peace. We have food on the table. And still we don’t seem to do much to stop wars or to distribute our resources better, so other people don’t have to starve.
It’s not in the capacity of you and me alone to do something about it, but if more voices are raised, if more people demand from their politicians to come up with a better plan for distributing the resources, if more people demand of their politicians to put more pressure to end wars, one day peace and love might prosper and replace fear, starvation and wars.
My son asked me the age of my sister-in-law today. When I replied that she just turned 60, he’s reply was that “she’s old”. I have to admit that I refused somehow to accept his comment. My sister-in-law is still vital, still working as a judge, still full of life and energy. Even if age might not simply being a number, it has a lot to do with how we perceive it.
I’m turning fifty this year, and for some time it actually bothered me. Because I don’t feel like fifty. But then, all of a sudden, it stopped feeling like a threat. I’m not sure exactly why, but perhaps it was because I realised that in one aspect it is just a number. On the other hand, turning 50 means I have a lot of life experience, a certainty about things that I didn’t have at 20, 25 or 30. That doesn’t mean I think I have the answer to everything. By far! Yet, knowing I don’t have the answer to everything without the slightest embarrassment is also an achievement. One that I think a lot of parents have to face at some point.
I value my life experience, I value becoming of age. At the same time, I still feel I have lots of energy, lots more to contribute, lots more to look forward to, and lots more to do in life. There’s still so much to see and learn!
I’m not embarrassed about my wrinkles, or stressed about the fact that at some point my hair will turn grey. When it does, it does, and I’m not going to do anything about it. I’m not going to put Botox in my forehead either. As I explained my kids today, my wrinkles are a result of a lived life. They come from sorrow and happiness, wind, rain and sun. It’s natural. Aging is natural.
With that said, I know people that have obviously felt “old” decades before they should have reason to feel old (well, that’s my opinions at least. Feel free to disagree!). Who seems to be obsessed with the number they calculate from their year of birth. They kind of stopped living years ago, and I don’t understand why.
I also know people who seemed unstoppable in enjoying life as long as they had it. Who didn’t get to reach their 80th birthday, but who still maximised for as long as they could. And that’s my honest intention, to live life to the fullest for as long as I can. With my wrinkles, my grey hair, my knowledge of life, and my wisdom if I may be so bold as to say so.
I want to age with dignity, and nobody is going to take that away from me. I want to dress the way I want, I want to be on the barricades for as long as I want, and are able to. I want to voice my opinion for as long as I have a voice.
And as I recently was reminded of, with age comes the knowledge of knowing that you cannot please everyone, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. And I like cake.
So embrace yourselves, for this woman has no intention of being put on a shelf or being stuck in the background until she’s actually put in the ground.
There’s nothing else to add. The atrocities must end.
The attack on Israelis by Hamas October 7, 2023 was horrible and a pure act of terrorism. It is still impossible to understand the continuous bombing of civilian Palestinians, the cut off of food and medical supplies, the destruction of hospitals and other infrastructure. There is no safe place to be in Gaza.
A brilliant book about how life sometimes finds its own path, despite what we hoped for or planned for.
Nell, a British forty-something, who thought life was going the way she had expected it to go; soon to be married, living in sunny California, running her own business with her fiancé, probably kids in the near future, suddenly finds herself single, broke and back in rainy London. She feels like a total failure, or as the title gives away, a f##k-up.
But despite the gloomy prospects, life can take unexpected turns. An encounter with an old widow brings along quite a lot of surprises, and new perspectives. The new friend of an old friend makes her want to grind her teeth, and online dating prove to be a challenge.
In the midst of all this, she decides to make a pod cast, just to let out some steam, to kind of “balance” the ever perfect Insta-life in her feed, without much hope of anyone actually listening.
I don’t want to reveal too much, but I think it’s not only forty-somethings who can identify with Nell. Albeit we might think that we have life figured out when we’re in our twenties, I can recall feeling like a twenty-something f##k-up. Being single, graduated from university, but not holding a job I really liked (or even remotely relevant to my studies), while my friends seemed to find relevant jobs (paying much better than mine), being in happy relationships, starting to marry and planning (and having) kids.
Then the same happened again in my thirties. Another relationship ended, I still had not much clue about what I really wanted to do professionally, as the jobs I dreamed of seemed out of reach, and my friends still seemed to have figured it out.
But then I finally landed a job a wanted, and life took an unexpected turn (I never planned ending up in France, but here I am…)
Still, even if I met someone, married and got kids, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a forty-something f##k-up more than once a month. Especially when scrolling through Instagram, looking to all the fabulous pictures of camping around a beautiful lake, a bon fire with a coffeepot hanging over (we’re not allowed to make bon fires in the wild here, and I miss it!), ski tracks through the forest (hardly anywhere to go cross country skiing here), or kayaking under the stars (I sold my kayak when I moved here).
I mean, we see what we want to see, we compare ourselves to different people. Meaning in my Insta-feed there are not may pictures of perfectly decorated living-rooms or ever-clean kitchens. But there’s all those other things I dream about doing, and I don’t get to do them, and I wonder how everybody else manage to do it “all the time”, and I feel totally…
But as Nell discovers, other’s perfect lives aren’t always that perfect, and that is my experience too, when we are being honest with each other. And no matter how we twist and turn things, what’s perfect for me, isn’t necessarily perfect for you. I think the key is to do what seems right for you, not looking so much to what other people are doing, but also realise that it’s totally normal to feel like a f##k-up at any stage in life. It should not even be embarrassing, as it’s human to make mistakes, and to take time to figure out what we really want with our lives. Honestly, I think very few people, if any, has never, ever felt like a total f##k-up. I raise my glass to every f##k-up out there, I’m sure I find myself in good company! Thanks to Alexandra Potter to make such a brilliant point of life’s imperfectness, the best since Bridget Jones entered the scene.
With that said, if you’re looking for a book to cheer you up, to make you laugh, to entertain you, and if you at any point in your life have felt like a total f##k-up, this is the book for you!
Monarchy is outdated. Let’s face it. Inheriting titles and positions in Europe in 2023 seems out of pace with time.
Not that I have anything personal against the royals of Europe. I grew up in Norway, a monarchy whose members have caused very little scandal and controversy, expect the current king insisting on marrying the love of his life, despite the fact she was a “commoner”. Back in the days, that was sort of a huge thing, and he had to wait nine years for approval of his choice. Nowadays, nobody really lifts an eyebrow.
I like the Norwegian royal family, but still I find the institution of monarchy to be outdated. I find the concept of being born into a job, sort of, bizarre. And evidently many royals would rather prefer to live an anonymous life, doing something they have talent and interest for, instead of cutting ribbons and being chased by the paparazzi. I don’t blame them.
After watching “Harry and Meghan” on Netflix, I was down at the local commercial centre, and I was actually thinking about how wonderful it is to be able to walk around in peace and quiet, doing my things, without having to put on a disguise or being closely followed by bodyguards and paparazzi.
Recently, or should I say currently, there has been a bit of controversy evolving around the Norwegian Princess Martha Louise. She is engaged to a shaman, no less. An American, who had to be explained the dos and don’ts when it comes to interacting with a royal family. It’s been no secret that Princess Martha Louise has never been fully comfortable with her royal role, and she has established herself on the side-lines of the royal family. Despite the current controversy regarding her role, it’s nothing compared to what members of the British royal family has to put up with.
No other European royal family is even close to the endless chase of them, and I feel truly sorry for people who has to put up with this sort of thing.
Yes, they do live very privileged lives, but at what cost? A golden cage is still a cage. Family disputes and ruptures are still family disputes and ruptures, but the rest of us can deal with things like this way out of constant spotlight and public speculations. Like your parents’ divorce or your mother’s death at a way too young age are not enough to cope with, and then you have to put on a brave face and parade in front of thousands of people in the streets, and millions more in front of their tv-screens at her funeral. Who envies that?
I admit that I have, from early age on, read my part of articles and looked to probably thousands of photos of royals in magazines and online. As a little girl I was of course fascinated by the beautiful queens and princesses in their wonderful dresses and smart outfits. But the older I become, the sorrier I feel for them. They never asked for this attention. It just so happens that they were born into these families, who are supposed to represent a nation and unite it.
There are enough people out there who want to be in the spotlight. Movie stars, pop stars, politicians, and a bunch of others. Let them have the spotlight. They aim for it, they want it. And leave the others alone, at least give them some privacy when they are not representing their country. No matter how much we crave attention, we all need a fair bit of privacy as well.
I’m sure there are royals who would not change their position for anything in the world. They are not accustomed to a less privileged life, and less splendid surroundings. Other royals seem to have dreamed of getting out of the whole thing from the moment they realized what they were born into.
In any case, I find that time has caught up with the monarchy as institution. It’s time to abolish it, and to take on a more modern constitution.
No offence to anyone, I hold nothing against you royals personally. But inheriting a position from your ancestors seems way out of date. Even for such a jolly, grand-father-like king as Norwegian King Harald V and his heir, Crown Prince Haakon. No matter how jovial I find him, and his wife Crown Princess Mette-Marit, I think time’s up for the monarchy. I’m sure their daughter will be just as happy with a different kind of meaningful job in the future. As will several other royals who are still in their early years.
The Iranian government is exposing themselves as more and more ridiculous, and evidently nervous about their future. Another two executions of protesters happened Saturday, only three days after Teheran protested against “insulting” cartoons published by the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.
So far, four people have been executed since protests erupted in September 2022, and Iran Human Rights claim that at least 476 people taking part in the protests have been killed.
By the logic of the Iranian government, publishing satirical cartoons is far more severe than their own oppression and slaughtering of their own people. Condemning people to death sentence without proper trial and lack of evidence is ok. Picturing the ayatollah in satirical cartoons is not.
The Iranian authorities has demanded action and an apology from the French government, who responded that the theocratic regime in Teheran has nothing to teach France. They have clearly not understood that the French government is never going to condemn anything written in a French newspaper, as freedom of speech is highly valued in France.
Freedom of expression is a very bad thing according to the Teheran regime, evidently, but forcing women to wear hijab because: “Covering up causes a woman to be recognised in society by her thoughts and personality, not by her body and beauty,” (…) “This is the greatest service that religions, especially Islam, have given to women, which obliges her to observe hijab so that her dignity is preserved and she is not sold or passed around like a commodity.” (Part of statement from The Supreme Court of Cultural Revolution, cited in The Guardian 9 January 2023).
According to their logic, it’s all in the interest of women’s dignity and integrity, and not observing the strict rules of dressing correctly, justifies the authorities to arrest and beat up women, which is what happened to Mahsa Amini in September, and thereby sparked the nationwide protests.
When criticized, the Iranian authorities reject the criticism by calling it “Remarks of self-styled defenders of human rights are replete with racist thoughts.” (The Guardian 9 January 2023)
This from a government that claims that western societies have destroyed the family by promoting female sexuality, and who condemns homosexuals to death penalty. A regime that tolerates no opposition and who despises freedom of speech, human rights and democracy. There’s absolutely no logic to it, except a great fear of losing their power.
I wholeheartedly support the brave Iranian people who stands up against this regime. I hope that one day in the near future, they will be able to live without fear of repression and without violent retaliation for speaking out against the authorities. That women will be allowed to dress the way they want, that homosexuals can live without fear of being thrown off a building.
I mean, you have probably noted it yourself, without giving it too much thought (at least it you are a woman yourself), that most films and tv-series you watch, are dominated by male characters. As a mother of two boys, I have seen my share of Marvel films the past few years. Loads of mostly white, strong guys, fighting some villain or several. The character “Black Widow” being a rare, female character. As a matter of fact, I got so fed up with this male, macho universe, that I told my boys and my husband that they can watch these films without me. I can’t stand it anymore.
We have also been through the whole bunch of Star Wars movies, several times, and not surprisingly perhaps, my favourite is “Rouge One” where we are introduced to the female character Ray. Equally not surprising perhaps, is the fact that this is not the favourite film of the rest of the family…
It’s a fact that I have a weakness for a variety of police/agent series, like NCIS, Hawaii Five-0, and New York Major Squad, to mention some. In all of them men are overrepresented compared to women. They do have female detectives and agents, playing central parts, but still, it’s rarely more than one female per team of 4-6 agents.
And it’s this that has been bugging me for some time. Why is it like this? Why this gross imbalance on average?
Wow! Just because they can’t, for once, identify with the leading character? I don’t know if I find it tragic or comic, that these men whine over these facts. I mean, I don’t expect a man in his 40’s to really identify with a girl growing into puberty, getting her period and experiencing all the hormones raging her body. But I do expect that he can appreciate a film that focus on something else than girls going teenage, wanting to be a perfect little woman pleasing everybody. Because that is how I often see girls portrayed in movies, glossy creatures with long, shiny hair and perfect skin. Well, mister, welcome to the real world! We are quite a few out here who appreciates new ways of presenting our gender!
Being underrepresented everywhere, I think we women are used to stretch our imagination to fit into a universe that often seems to ignore us. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. Girls growing up deserves heroes of their own, whom they can identify with, that look like them. We need more females of all ages on the screen, of all colours and all sizes. (I think our boys could need a bigger variety of shapes and colours to identify with as well). We need more multi-dimensional female characters, in all kinds of films and tv-series. We need more Dana Scullys and Rebeccas (from the 2013 movie “1000 times good night”). Rebecca is a photo journalist, travelling to war zones, while her husband is the one with local based work, taking care of their kids. I found that movie so inspiring! The roles were completely turned around, and I adored it. Because that it also how it can be. We are way too much told the story of the man with a career, and the woman sacrificing herself for the wellbeing of the rest of the family. I welcome every challenge to that image.
I do have to point out at the end, that there have been some rather fun movies presenting girls in a more interesting manner. When I grew up, it was with Pippi Longstockings, a rare female superhero at the time. Pippi really challenged the ideals of how girls should behave at the time (and still do). Recently, I watched Enola Holmes on Netflix, the two films, and I find them amusing and inspiring. And I like to present my boys with something other than the stereotype heroes they are used to from the Marvel universe. Boys, like girls, need the current stereotypes to be challenged. They need to see that there are many ways to live their lives, that humans are complex beings, not divided into “soft creatures” (women) and “tough heroes/villains” (men). Women can be tough, men are allowed to show feelings and cry. I wish we could see more of that, too. Not just in sentimental dramas, but in action movies as well. Why is it always the female characters that grab the box of Kleenex, while the men punch the wall?
Most of all, I would like to see more female, complex characters. The fact is that women makes up about half the population of this planet, but when watching movies we are reduced to a small minority. It’s time to do something about that.
Seven months after the Taliban took power in Afghanistan, there’s not much news published any longer. Of course, the past month, most has been about the war in Ukraine. That is understandable, but we must not forget that there are still crises going on elsewhere at the same time.
The situation in Afghanistan is still severe, even if humanitarian agencies have managed to distribute enough aid to avert famine and starvation. The winter is now coming to an end, but nearly 20 million Afghans have received aid during the last six months. Without rapid change of the system, it means time is bought for now, but the crisis will return next winter.
The situation for women is worse than ever, since they have not been allowed to return to work since he Taliban came back in power. The exception is teachers and health staff, but even if they are allowed to work, they are not paid. Previously women were even denied begging, just because they are women (see hrw report)
In families where the main, or sole, breadwinner is a woman, it causes huge problems of feeding their families. On top it is hard to access cash, even for those who has savings. The limit of weekly cash withdrawals is very severe, and inflation is high.
Fayzabad, Afghanistan, November 26th, 2008 – Two Afghan Woman in Burkas. 2021: The return of the burka. Photo: istockphoto.com
Taliban has also revoked the freedom of movement of women. They are no longer allowed outside their home without mahram, which means male escort. Even going to a health clinic for women, to be treated by a female doctor, needs a male escort, because to register requires interaction with a man at the “reception desk”, and he refuses to speak to women directly.
“A former medical student accompanied her pregnant sister-in-law to the doctor. “The Taliban didn’t let us enter the clinic because we didn’t have a mahram,” she said, adding that the appointment was with a female doctor and the clinic was segregated by gender inside. To enter the facility, however, they had to register and receive a card and the person handling this process was a man. Taliban rules prohibited him from interacting with women, and only permitted him to speak with their mahram. The women were forced to call the interviewee’s brother, who arrived an hour later, to register them. “They don’t even have mercy on pregnant women, let alone others,” the student said. “This is so humiliating.”
Taliban has also forbidden taxi drivers to pick up women travelling alone. This makes it impossible to escape a violent husband. Not that the women have any place to take refuge, since Taliban has also closed down all shelters for women, in addition to close down Ministry for Women’s Affairs. In its place they reinstated the Ministry for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. This ministry is known from the last period of Taliban rule to be extremely severe in their pursuit and punishment of women who do not behave according to their standards.
When they came to power in August 2021, the Taliban spokesperson Zabiullah Mujahid said that “our sisters, our men have the same rights”, but it was soon enough clear that this is certainly not the case. The fear of reprisals if not modestly enough dressed, has also forced most women back into the burka, when they have to leave their house.
Recently secondary schools for girls were said to open again, just to be closed again the same day. Since Taliban came back, girls are only allowed to attend school up to 6th grade.
An empty classroom illustrating the closed girls’ schools. Photo: unsplash.com
Education is vital for a country’s development, and as of current only 43% of the Afghan population is literate. That is an improvement, but it still means that 57% are illiterate. This is not likely to improve in the near future, with a government who is more interested in religious education than literacy and science. It seems like it is more important to the Taliban that people can recite the Koran, and know the “proper way of dress and behaviour”, than give them a proper education.
Already several ministries are closed due to a lack of qualified people, as those who were qualified have fled the country or stay away out of fear for reprisals.
This is a sure way to keep Afghanistan a poor and backwards country, with no prospect of developing any time soon. It also means the population is doomed for poverty, joblessness and a constant struggle of feeding their families. It also means that the conditions for girls and women will not improve in the near future.
Taliban is trying to brand themselves more “modern” towards the outside world, but we shall not be fooled by their attempts at doing so. Inside Afghanistan they have imposed strict rules on journalism, and it is forbidden to say anything “contrary to Islam” or that “insult national figures”.
It is important that we do not forget about Afghanistan and the poor situation for its inhabitants, especially the women and children. The Taliban needs to be pressured by the outside world to grant all its inhabitants their human rights, freedom of movement and free speech, and their barbaric methods of punishment must be stopped immediately.
Three weeks into the war in Ukraine it seems hard to predict the outcome, except for the fact that Ukraine will be left in ruins. What we all hope for is that the Ukrainians will get out of this war as a free and democratic country. And perhaps it should be added that a lot of us also hope for the fall of Putin as a consequence of his totally unjustified attack on Ukraine.
What we do already see the contours of, is a new approach in the West towards securing their own energy supplies, to be able to get out of the Russian grip. We have also been reminded of how vulnerable we are as Ukraine and Russia are the leading suppliers of wheat, sunflower seeds, gas and ingredients for making fertilizer. The war, in addition to the recent pandemic, has already caused shortages, and experts warn of even higher prices of food as farmers all over the world will face shortages of fertilizer, resulting in less productivity and thereby higher prices. The higher prices of food, fuel and electricity are already duly noted by consumers everywhere.
The question now is, how are we going to meet the challenges we are facing? For sure, not being dependent of oil and gas from Russia is a good start. Will it be a push to the green shift, or not? It has also become evident that supply chains can be highly unreliable, and so it has sparked a debate about self-sufficiency in some countries, like in Norway.
High food prices is of great concern all over the world. For the middle class, they might be able to re-prioritise their spending, e.g. cut down on “luxury” spending like vacations, new furniture, and new cars. For the poorer segment of society, it will add to their hardship. They do not have much to spend in the first place. Increased prices on both energy, fuel and food will hit them very hard. What will the various governments do to ease their strain? Because if nothing is done, there will be a risk of violent protests, like the Yellow Vest movement we saw in France only a few years ago, or the Egyptian revolution in 2011.
The Ukrainians are fighting for their sovereignty, freedom and democracy. Values that the West seems to take for granted, even though we have had a couple of reminders over the past few years that we should not. What happened in USA during the time Trump was president, and what happened after the 2020 elections should be carefully noted. Poland has also been moving in a less democratic direction lately, as have Viktor Orban’sHungary. In France extreme right-wing candidates are ranking high on the polls before the upcoming elections this April. Perhaps Putin’s war in Ukraine will help undermine them, as we are now reminded of what extremism and despotism look like.
The Russian people are obviously asking themselves these days if they are heading back to the way of life they experienced in the Soviet Union. No freedom of speech, no Western import goods, restricted travel, high inflation etc. In other words, is Putin about to pull a new iron curtain between Russia and the West?
The young generation of Russians have grown up with access to everything we have in the West. Will they accept going backwards? Is there any chance they will be able to change the direction their country is about to take? Considering the massive protests against the war it certainly looks like they will not let themselves be oppressed without fight. Others are simply leaving their country.
Most European countries have decided to expand their military spending, in addition to seek solutions to an acute energy deficiency. They have also been very a wide consent regarding the sanctions against Russia, and what is at stake in a broader view. Democracy in itself is threatened. How are we going to cope with that?
Frankly speaking, I have more questions than answers these days. The latest news is that Putin has laid out his demands for peace, but the details are not yet known, adding to my list of questions.
Whatever happens over the next weeks, the world will not be the same as it was before February 24, 2022.
The Phoenix 