Tag Archives: women

International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women

Posted on by
Reply

It makes me both sad and angry that this day is even necessary, but it makes it clear that no matter how far we think we have come in the struggle for gender equality, we still have a long way to go!

Violence against women persist to be a problem all over the globe. Women are killed on a daily basis in every corner of the world, many of them by their partners. Many more are abused and raped, married off even before they reach puberty, or sex-trafficed. Even more are harassed on the streets, at work, in schools, and when going out for a drink.

We take all sorts of precautions, and still we hardly ever feel safe. I am so sick and tired of it!

It’s not all men, we all know that. But every good man that doesn’t put a stop to his friend’s sexist comments, misogynistic talk and behaviour, becomes part of the problem. Good men’s silence can be interpreted as accepting what is being said and done.

Violence against women will never stop as long as the good men are turning a blind eye. Be the one who says out loud «I don’t tolerate this kind of bullshit or behaviour», instead of looking embarrassed or laughing with the rest not to dampen the «good mood». We know that you are out there, and we need you on our side! Each time you stay silent, that misogynistic friend gets a bit bolder. And one day he crosses the line completely, and ruins a woman’s life forever.

Don’t stay silent, you can mean the difference between life and death of a woman.

Why are we so obsessed with other peoples’ choices?

Posted on by
Reply

Why would I poke my nose into someone’s personal choices, like if they want to have children, or not?

Because really, how does it affect me if my friend decides not to have children? As a matter of fact, it doesn’t! If that is what she or he wants, to be without children, it’s their choice. Many seem to think that choosing not to have children is a selfish choice, but isn’t it just as selfish to decide to reproduce your own genes?

More women than men are being questioned about why they decide not to have children, and we have to stop doing that. It’s a personal choice, their choice, and it’s got nothing to do with the rest of us. A woman without children is as much of a woman with children.

Stop saying to young women who say they don’t want kids, things like “Oh, you just wait and see, one day you will come around and want your own children”, or “life will be so empty without children”. Maybe your life will feel empty without (your) children, or maybe you always dreamt of being a parent. But we don’t all share the same dreams.

Even as a mother myself, I’m actually provoked each time I see/hear other women being questioned about why they don’t want children. Why is it that they have to explain or justify that choice? We never ask people to justify their choice of career, do we? So why is it so important to us to know why people, in particular women, chose not to have children?

I don’t have the answer to that question, but what I can say, is that I don’t see why it should be of any interest to me. It might be worth adding that some people really want kids, but they can’t have them, for various reasons. Insisting on asking them about when they are going to start a family or why they haven’t got children yet, is actually very disrespectful, and stir emotions better left alone at social gatherings. It’s not your right to know everything.

With the holiday season coming up, you might find yourself in company of people who has decided to live their lives differently than you. As they will probably never demand an explanation from you as to why you decided to have children, don’t demand an explanation from them either, because frankly speaking, they really don’t owe you one.

My life, my choice ❤
Photo: pixabay.com

Act of “kindness” or simple misogyny?

Posted on by
Reply

I recently heard of a female professional, who had been removed from the decision making process on a project without her knowledge. She was removed, without being consulted, because her older, male colleague “knew she was busy with her baby”.

Excuse me, but what could he possibly know about her needs, unless he spoke with her first? I know that for some women, becoming a mum takes up all their time, and all they want to do is taking care of their baby. For others, going back to work is a free choice, something they really want and need, not just for the money, but for their own sake. They want, and need, to continue a life where they are not “mum” all the time. And unless they are asking for a reduced workload, who is to decide what is best for them?

Maybe this male professor thought he was being nice, but the truth is, he wasn’t. He was infantilizing his younger, female colleague, deciding in his own mind what was best for her. This is a very old fashioned way of thinking about professional life and motherhood at best, misogynistic at worst.

I have met men who thinks that women should be the primary caretaker of the children, and of the home. Well, I still haven’t seen any scientific proof that says that women are, by nature, better caretakers than men. It’s all about how we are raised, and the so-called values that society pass on from one generation to the next.

When I ask these men why women should be the primary caretaker regarding children, they don’t manage to present me with a good answer. It’s more like “it’s the way it is”, or “it’s the way it’s always been”.

Well, they might be right in the way that it’s been like this for a long time, but who decided in the first place that this should be the norm? Women have been working since the beginning, in the fields, in the mills, in the guest houses, later in the factories, the schools, the hospitals, and in the offices. In addition, most of them are also the main responsible for the childcare and housework. Yes, it’s a big burden to carry.

But instead of a man making decisions, once again, about what women need or want, they should ask themselves how both parties can have a career and a family life, without one getting burned out, or one having to cut down on work to manage family logistics.

It might come as a surprise to some men, but many women would also like to advance in their career, without sacrificing having a family, or without having to employ someone else to take care of their children and house.

There’s a lot of talk about the importance of the mother’s presence in the early years of a child’s life, but equally important is the presence of the father. Children need several role figures in their lives, they need to see that gender is not what defines a persons ability to take care of them. When we keep reproducing the old fashioned stereotype that women should be home with the children, while the father is working, things will never change.

As different families have different needs at different times in life, I do favour free choice. But what concerns me, is that most of the time, this “free choice” results in women reducing their work time, or quitting all together, while the man continues like nothing has changed. (Having children is a true gamechanger!) Or he might even have to work more to compensate for the increased expenses coming with having children.

Which brings me to another point, the fact that men are systematically better paid than women. If you can’t afford childcare, and one parent has to stay home with the kids, who’s it gonna be? The one that earns less is the obvious choice. You don’t need to go to Harvard or Oxford to get that.

But why is it that women is systematically less paid? Is it another old fashioned thought behind? Stemming from the days pay was related to physical strength? And then continued when women started to work in offices, but only unmarried women were employable? Because they were forced to quit when they married, as from then on their responsibilities would be to care for their husband, their children and their home. Unmarried women back then usually lived with their parents, and like that less expenses, justifying less pay.

Also of importance is the way work-life is organised. You don’t get kids to put them in other peoples care from 7 in the morning till 7-8 in the evening. That means you never really see your kids awake. The less flexible working hours, the less people can make free choices when organising their private life. The Nordic countries have done a lot to accommodate work-life to family life, while most other countries still require that family life is adapted to work-life. Which in reality gives a lot of people little choice on how to manage their family life.

Still, when both parents manage to hold a job, and juggle as best they can, how arrogant is it for a male colleague to decide that his female colleague should be excluded from important aspects of their common project? She didn’t make any mistakes, didn’t complain about her work-load, she didn’t miss any deadlines. In my opinion his decision can’t be explained rationally, or justified. I worry for every woman returning to work after having a baby, because they risk being cut loose simply because “they are busy with a baby”. I have read stories about women coming back to work after giving birth, to find that their job is not really existing any more. Which is a cruel way to exclude them from the work-place.

This “a woman’s true place is in the home”-mentality has to change. Not just for the sake of women, but also for the sake of men. All the things they miss out on, because they have to work, work and work. And so much talent is wasted because women are pushed out of work-life.

We need both women and men in the work-place, as well as at home. Male executives, STOP making decisions over our heads, we are totally capable of taking care of ourselves, and we are damned good at logistics. Instead, work with us to change old fashioned mindsets and outdated structures in public policies and work-place policies. Men will benefit from it as much as women. Trust me.

Equality has yet to arrive…

Posted on by
Reply

Despite what many people think, we are far from gender equality. Neither in the professional domain, or in the domestic. Women are still paid less than men. Sectors predominantly female, are less valued, and thus less paid, than male dominated sectors. Even after the Covid-pandemic, when the whole world was cheering for the nurses, little has happened to their working conditions and their pay check. Likewise when we speak about school/education. All politicians are very concerned about the level of their country’s students in international tests like the PISA, wanting to be the best, but when discussing the pay and working conditions of the teachers, it’s hard to find the money.

Our children’s education is what is going to get them jobs and income in the future, so why is it so hard to give a decent pay to the people whose responsibility it is to provide this education? Is it because it is predominantly women working in the (public) schools up to a certain level?

But it’s not just in public sector that there’s a gap between the genders in pay. It happens all over, also in the private sector and in the movie business to add a couple of examples. So no, equality at the workplace has not arrived.

The same is true when it comes to domestic life. Women still take on much more of the domestic chores and logistics, than the men, even when both parties are working full time.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, girls are still raised different than boys, in the respect of taking care of a household. And the women are punished much harder than men if things are not “up to standard” at home, being it cleanliness, homemade food, following up on birthdays and other anniversaries (both family and friends, and children’s friends).

Women are expected to drop whatever they are doing for the needs of anyone else. Children need attention? Mum is coming. Children need help with homework? One moment, darling, I’ll come help you. Child sick and home from school? Mum is usually the ones who stays home from work. Elderly family members need assistance? Be there as fast as I can.

This constant disruption of own activities, and work, is something women just accept. Like there is no alternative. And this constant rupture also influences women’s careers and pay check in the long run. Or, if they are really focused on juggling both family and career, they are often sacrificing almost everything else, like taking care of their own health, going out with friends, or just read a book on the sofa (a book that has nothing to do with work or childcare, but simply for entertainment).

Most mums I know are up and about, taking care of their family’s needs no matter their own condition. We pop an Advil, and get on with business as usual, because we are expected to do so.

Alright, the occasional Scandinavian reader might protest a bit. But don’t you forget that you’re in the lead. Here in France, things are rather different. Even if we have free childcare from 3 years (pre-school, not kindergarten), the children don’t go to school on Wednesdays. Or they finish at 12am that day. Meaning that parents have to organise one way or another; leisure clubs, grandparents or one parent stay at home every Wednesday. And guess who that usually is? It’s mum, of course.

Who is usually running to pick up their kids from after-school activities before it closes at 6.30 pm? Mum. Meaning that she has to adjust her work to fit the logistics of the family. Usually under the pretext that the husband is earning more, so again, no equality.

In other words: Women work for less pay in the workplace, they take more of the burden at home, and they run like Forrest Gump every day to be in the right place at the right time, and at the end of the day, they are punished economically for doing less professional work than the men, and so they have less pension. If all the “invisible” chores done by women every day were to count as workhours during a week, our pension would look very different.

If parents start to educate their children at home in the same manner, regardless of gender, I hope for a better future for both women and men. Because men are absolutely capable of doing the same tasks at home as the women they live with. Just like a woman can be an astronaut, a man can be a caretaker. A woman can use a screwdriver and an electric drill, just as a man can mop a floor and change diapers. If we raise our children to be independent in more ways than the economic sense, and encourage them to use a wider range of their capabilities, including their caretaking cababilities, equality between genders will arrive at a much faster pace.

Let us get rid of the stereotypes that says that a man should be the main breadwinner of the household, and the woman the primary caretaker, and instead create a better symbiosis between the genders.

I will write about that symbiosis in the near future. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed reading, whether you agree or not. It’s possible to leave a comment on the subject J

Some relations are more difficult than others…

Posted on by
Reply

I have read many places that therapists often advice people to avoid toxic relations. An advice I have no problem understanding, and wanting to live by. The challenge is just that sometimes we are forced to keep those relations in one way or another, because it’s people within our closest circle.

After conversations with several friends, over time, I have realized that one relation many of us feel difficult, is the one with our mother-in-law. And a recent question from one of my friends, “why do you think it’s so difficult?” inspired me to write this little piece.

First of all, I have no definite answer to the question. Second, many people have excellent relations with their in-laws. But for those of us who experience some kind of troubled relation, it seems that there are some things in common.

One thought that has crossed my mind, is that mothers-in-law are jealous of their son’s spouse. It’s not a far out thought, because she has loved her son since he was born, and all of a sudden there’s another woman claiming his attention and love. Which sparks another question; will she ever find the woman he choose good enough for her son? Or will she actively look for faults? Although she will probably do this “in secret”.

One common thing my friends and I have experienced, is the mother-in-law who interferes in our way of raising our children, or who comes around and straight away start to do things around our house. It’s nothing more irritating than this kind of silent way of criticism. Because unless we asked them to come over to give us a hand with the housekeeping, we do take it as criticism when the first thing they do are starting to pick up toys from the floor, or arranging all the kids books neatly in the shelves, or ask if they should take the dirty laundry with them. Perhaps they think they do us a favour, perhaps they do not intent to provoke us, but a tired mum with toddlers might perceive this behaviour in a hostile manner.

Which brings me to yet another thought. I have had to face on quite a few occasions comments like “you look tired”, or “you look irritated”, or “are you not well” when my kids were still at the age when they woke up at night, or when I had a rough time managing two-under-two alone, while my husband was away at work. I can assure you that comments like that is the last thing you need when you feel totally exhausted, but still tried to fresh up a bit to look kind of representable, and took your children to see their grand-mother. First time I let it pass, second time I bit my tongue, third time it really started to piss me off, and if I do remember correctly, I think I finally asked her to stop her comments. I guess she didn’t take it too well, because younger people should not answer back to the elder. Because mothers-in-law often put themselves in a superior position, even if we no longer share household or have to answer to her on a daily basis.

I also think that mothers-in-law keep a close eye to how we treat their sons. If we live up to the standard she sets. A standard I guess few of us are able to meet.

In case of conflict between a son and a mother, I also think that the wife will often be accused of turning son against mother. Perhaps not in direct words, but never forget that daughters-in-law are women too, and our intuition is no worse than that of the mothers-in-law. We quickly sense that something’s going on. No words need to be said, we see the look, feel the cold, sense the tone.

Of course the nature of the relation is also depending on the personalities involved. It’s why this is not something that affects every mother/daughter-in-law relation, or it affects it in different degrees. But at worst, it can be really tricky.

Perhaps things are about to change, as new generations have different experiences than old ones with balancing work and family. The next generations of mothers-in-law (like my friends and myself) have more than a formal higher education, we have also lived a life of our own before settling down, unlike our own mothers and mothers-in-law, whom for the most part left their parents’ house to go live with their husbands. And most likely not very far from both their own family and their in-laws. But living in close proximity or not, in our western society, the core family is the valued standard. We no longer depend on the extended family as we did before. We prefer most of the time to manage on our own, we have our own ideas about how to raise our children, and how to manage our daily lives. We read books and articles on child development and education (perhaps too many?), and we openly disagrees with the older generation about child raising. And not the least, even when we try to avoid conflicts, we don’t accept whatever comes from the other end. Modern women set their boundaries, which is not always well perceived. We don’t hang around simply to please everybody else, we have learned to say “no”, and for some this is a bitter pill to swallow, simply because what they deem best, or what they want, is not always what we want.

This might also have to do with how previous generations interacted, with the eldest having more authority. Now that they have reached the top of the hierarchy, they think it’s their prerogative to decide for everybody in the family. And I think that with the elevated level of education for both men and women, this is posing a problem, as we want to do it our way. We are no longer asking “how high” when asked to jump, we rather ask “why?”  

I have to end this by saying that I’m the mother of two boys, and one day in the future I might be the mother-in-law. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be a perfect mother-in-law, but I do sincerely hope that I will have the sense to ask before just assuming what my sons and their partners need, and not go about doing what I think they need or want. My aim is to treat them as equals, not inferior, non-experienced people. If they ask for advice, I will give advice, otherwise I shall do my best to keep my mouth shut. Being who I am, I know that can prove difficult at times, but as I said, I’m no more perfect than anyone else… I still hope I can have a good relation with my sons and their partners, based on openness and mutual respect.

We need to talk about…. FGM – Female Genital Mutilation

Posted on by
Reply

We need to talk about…. FGM – Female Genital Mutilation

I know, it’s not a pleasant topic to raise, but as a matter of fact, more than 3 million girls are at risk of being subject to FGM every year. More than 200 million girls and women alive today have already undergone some form of FGM.

The practice is mostly practiced in the western, eastern and north-eastern regions of Africa, and in some countries in Asia and the Middle-East (a total of 30 countries).

Contrary to what many probably think, FGM is a cultural practice, not a religious one. No religious scrips prescribe this practice. What is a fact is that it is a way to control girls, women and their sexuality. It is grounded in deep-rooted inequality between the sexes, and represents the most extreme form of discrimination of women and girls.

Depending on the type of FGM (there are 4 types), the female genitals are mutilated/damaged to various degrees for non-medical reasons, which in most cases leads to various health problems, and of course pain during sexual intercourse.

The procedure has both immediate complications and long-term complications, ranging from severe pain, excessive bleeding, problems urinating, painful menstruations (difficulty in passing menstrual blood), scar tissue and complications during childbirth. The procedure can also lead to psychological problems, like depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

What is also disturbing is that some women find out that they have been subject to FGM as adults, having no recollection of it happening. The practice is usually carried out on young girls between infancy and adolescence (up to 15 years), while most are most likely carried out when the girl is between 2 and 4 years, or between 7 and 12 years old.

Most of the FGM is performed by traditional practitioners, under unhygienic conditions, with non-sterile instruments (knives, razorblades). In recent times, more health care providers are performing FGM, about 52 million per year, due to the belief that it is safer when medicalized. Despite the fact that it might reduce the risk of immediate severe infections, the procedure is still the same, and just as harmful for the girl.

Internationally the practice of FGM is recognized as a violation of the human rights of girls and women, a person’s right to health, security and physical integrity, as well as the right to be free from torture, and cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment. It also violated the right to life, as the procedure in some cases end by death of the girl.

WHO has been working for a long time to support a holistic health sector response to FGM prevention and care. WHO also collects evidence to improve the understanding of FGM, to better develop means to end this harmful practice.

With more than 200 million girls and women who already have undergone FGM, and another 3 million girls at risk every year, this is a global problem.

In European countries, health care staff are trained to discover already performed FGM, and to inform parents that the practice is illegal in Europe. They risk both heavy fines and jail time if they subject their daughters to FGM. Health care personnel can also inform other juridical instances if they suspect the parents will bring their daughter(s) to their country of origin to perform FGM, so they will be prevented to leave Europe with their child(ren).

European countries also offer post-FGM support to women, like reconstructive surgery, pre-natal follow up, C-section, psychological therapy, among other things.

The international day against FGM is 6 February. Let’s hope that one day this day can rather be The international day of the death of the practice of FGM.

You can read more here (including an overview of the 4 types of FGM):

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/female-genital-mutilation

Some thoughts about clothes….

Posted on by
Reply

I love clothes. I’m not talking about the latest fashion, or designer clothes, just ordinary stuff that is available for normal people like me. And why do I like clothes that much? Because it’s so funny to play with them! You can express how you feel, whom you want to be, whether you want to be the peacock, or rather just blend in. You can create different “personalities” depending on your mood. You can go rock, classic, chic, romantic, western style… you name it.  

But more than that, I love styling clothes. Not like what you see on the catwalk, or in the fancy magazine photo shoots, but you know, just adding that little extra. The things that make the difference between putting on clothes, and actually wearing them. Those little things that makes your outfit personal. It can be different kinds of jewellery, a nice belt, a handbag, the shoes or boots you chose. A scarf, or a hat perhaps.

I have no need to be the peacock in the park, but I do like a bit of colour as it boosts the energy. Except those days when I fall back into black, as was the only colour I wore for years as a student. It’s something about it, just popping back to those days from time to time. But it needs some edge, because I don’t like to feel entirely invisible…

I don’t care much about the latest fashion (as a matter of fact I can be extremely slow to pick up on things, if I pick it up at all), I just care about feeling good in what I’m wearing.

I get inspired by people I see on the street, or on Instagram, that have a relaxed but edgy style. Then I figure out how to adapt it to make it my style. In my opinion there’s a difference between inspiration and copying, and I make an effort not to do the last.

It might sound as I spend a lot of time thinking about clothes; what to wear, what to buy, how to wear it. Well, I don’t really… It’s just that I enjoy feeling well about myself when I get out of the house, or when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Wearing colours and feeling well, gives me a boost. While on a bad day, when I pull out the first pair of pants and the first sweater, it drains my energy to even see myself in the mirror. Changing that grey sweater for an orange one might not totally save the day, but it certainly lifts the spirit a bit.

Dressing well gives others a nice impression of you, but most importantly, it gives you a nice impression of yourself too! Bottom line is, I dress for my own pleasure, not anyone else’s.

So even if you don’t care about dressing up for other people, dress up for yourself! When you feel good, you get into a better mood, and you feel more confident about yourself. Why miss out on that?

Feel free to share your opinions on the subject 🙂

Woman, life, freedom!

Posted on by
Reply

The Iranian government is exposing themselves as more and more ridiculous, and evidently nervous about their future. Another two executions of protesters happened Saturday, only three days after Teheran protested against “insulting” cartoons published by the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.

So far, four people have been executed since protests erupted in September 2022, and Iran Human Rights claim that at least 476 people taking part in the protests have been killed.

By the logic of the Iranian government, publishing satirical cartoons is far more severe than their own oppression and slaughtering of their own people. Condemning people to death sentence without proper trial and lack of evidence is ok. Picturing the ayatollah in satirical cartoons is not.

The Iranian authorities has demanded action and an apology from the French government, who responded that the theocratic regime in Teheran has nothing to teach France. They have clearly not understood that the French government is never going to condemn anything written in a French newspaper, as freedom of speech is highly valued in France.

Freedom of expression is a very bad thing according to the Teheran regime, evidently, but forcing women to wear hijab because: “Covering up causes a woman to be recognised in society by her thoughts and personality, not by her body and beauty,” (…) “This is the greatest service that religions, especially Islam, have given to women, which obliges her to observe hijab so that her dignity is preserved and she is not sold or passed around like a commodity.” (Part of statement from The Supreme Court of Cultural Revolution, cited in The Guardian 9 January 2023).

According to their logic, it’s all in the interest of women’s dignity and integrity, and not observing the strict rules of dressing correctly, justifies the authorities to arrest and beat up women, which is what happened to Mahsa Amini in September, and thereby sparked the nationwide protests.

When criticized, the Iranian authorities reject the criticism by calling it “Remarks of self-styled defenders of human rights are replete with racist thoughts.” (The Guardian 9 January 2023)

This from a government that claims that western societies have destroyed the family by promoting female sexuality, and who condemns homosexuals to death penalty. A regime that tolerates no opposition and who despises freedom of speech, human rights and democracy. There’s absolutely no logic to it, except a great fear of losing their power.

I wholeheartedly support the brave Iranian people who stands up against this regime. I hope that one day in the near future, they will be able to live without fear of repression and without violent retaliation for speaking out against the authorities. That women will be allowed to dress the way they want, that homosexuals can live without fear of being thrown off a building.

Jin, jiyan, azadi!

Woman, life, freedom!

Where are the women?

Posted on by
Reply

So I had it confirmed finally, that feeling that things were not quite right in flim and tv-series. Today, I came across a column addressing the topic, and it referred to a study made by Dr. Martha M. Lauzen; It’s a Man’s (Celluloid) World, Even in a Pandemic Year: Portrayals of Female Characters in the Top U.S. Films of 2021.

I mean, you have probably noted it yourself, without giving it too much thought (at least it you are a woman yourself), that most films and tv-series you watch, are dominated by male characters. As a mother of two boys, I have seen my share of Marvel films the past few years. Loads of mostly white, strong guys, fighting some villain or several. The character “Black Widow” being a rare, female character. As a matter of fact, I got so fed up with this male, macho universe, that I told my boys and my husband that they can watch these films without me. I can’t stand it anymore.

We have also been through the whole bunch of Star Wars movies, several times, and not surprisingly perhaps, my favourite is “Rouge One” where we are introduced to the female character Ray. Equally not surprising perhaps, is the fact that this is not the favourite film of the rest of the family…

It’s a fact that I have a weakness for a variety of police/agent series, like NCIS, Hawaii Five-0, and New York Major Squad, to mention some. In all of them men are overrepresented compared to women. They do have female detectives and agents, playing central parts, but still, it’s rarely more than one female per team of 4-6 agents.

And it’s this that has been bugging me for some time. Why is it like this? Why this gross imbalance on average?

The column I read today also pointed to another interesting fact. The author had noted that the films Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and Turning Red, reviewed by males, were viewed as “overwhelmingly” female (Wakanda Forever), and “for relatively small audience” (Turning Red).

Wow! Just because they can’t, for once, identify with the leading character? I don’t know if I find it tragic or comic, that these men whine over these facts. I mean, I don’t expect a man in his 40’s to really identify with a girl growing into puberty, getting her period and experiencing all the hormones raging her body. But I do expect that he can appreciate a film that focus on something else than girls going teenage, wanting to be a perfect little woman pleasing everybody. Because that is how I often see girls portrayed in movies, glossy creatures with long, shiny hair and perfect skin. Well, mister, welcome to the real world! We are quite a few out here who appreciates new ways of presenting our gender!

Being underrepresented everywhere, I think we women are used to stretch our imagination to fit into a universe that often seems to ignore us. But it shouldn’t have to be that way. Girls growing up deserves heroes of their own, whom they can identify with, that look like them. We need more females of all ages on the screen, of all colours and all sizes. (I think our boys could need a bigger variety of shapes and colours to identify with as well). We need more multi-dimensional female characters, in all kinds of films and tv-series. We need more Dana Scullys and Rebeccas (from the 2013 movie “1000 times good night”). Rebecca is a photo journalist, travelling to war zones, while her husband is the one with local based work, taking care of their kids. I found that movie so inspiring! The roles were completely turned around, and I adored it. Because that it also how it can be. We are way too much told the story of the man with a career, and the woman sacrificing herself for the wellbeing of the rest of the family. I welcome every challenge to that image.

I do have to point out at the end, that there have been some rather fun movies presenting girls in a more interesting manner. When I grew up, it was with Pippi Longstockings, a rare female superhero at the time. Pippi really challenged the ideals of how girls should behave at the time (and still do). Recently, I watched Enola Holmes on Netflix, the two films, and I find them amusing and inspiring. And I like to present my boys with something other than the stereotype heroes they are used to from the Marvel universe. Boys, like girls, need the current stereotypes to be challenged. They need to see that there are many ways to live their lives, that humans are complex beings, not divided into “soft creatures” (women) and “tough heroes/villains” (men). Women can be tough, men are allowed to show feelings and cry. I wish we could see more of that, too. Not just in sentimental dramas, but in action movies as well. Why is it always the female characters that grab the box of Kleenex, while the men punch the wall?

Most of all, I would like to see more female, complex characters. The fact is that women makes up about half the population of this planet, but when watching movies we are reduced to a small minority. It’s time to do something about that.

Happy new year!

As a woman, you can never get it right…

Posted on by
Reply

It’s said that women of today, at least in the western world, has all possibilities at hand. Well, it might be right, but no matter how we twist and bend it, the way women do it is still never just right.

A woman gesticulating and shouting while giving a public speech, will most likely be branded aggressive. A man on the other hand, will be conceived as vigorous and dynamic.

A woman who plays her cards well, and who manages the feat of climbing to the top in her domain, easily risks being labelled cunning, cold and calculating. Her male counterpart will most likely be called clever, or be spoken of as a man with ambitions.

A woman who chose a professional career will be blamed for putting herself before the wellbeing of the family. Also implying she is a “bad” mother, who rather leaves her children to other people rather than caring for them herself. Or simply, she’s egoistic as she prefers a career rather than happy family life at home. I don’t think I have ever heard a man accused of the same, even if he’s hardly present at dinner table as he is working all the time.

A woman who chose to be home (at least for a longer period than the normal maternity leave), is accused by many to idolize the ideal of a housewife from the 1950’s. Feminists fought for the rights of women to work at the same terms as men, and choosing differently makes you a “traitor”. A man choosing to be taking care of the house and the children might be perceived as a bit weird, maybe even a bit weak. If so, this is the only circumstance I can think of that men really might face negative critics for their choice.

A women who shaves her legs and armpits, and puts make up is a victim of the cruel beauty tyranny which is pushed upon us from all sides.
A woman who does not shave her legs and armpits, are on the other hand said to be “disgusting”.
Men can more or less do as they like. Beard or no beard, it’s more about taste and fashion than about what’s acceptable.

This is just some examples that came to my mind. The point is of course, that no matter what women do, there are always someone at hand to give critics about our choices or our manners.

Even in 2016, the same characteristics and manners of women and men, most often give negative points for the woman, and plus points for the man (see the first three paragraphs above).

It actually amazes me that we are we still there. I would have believed that in 2016, we were no longer so obsessed with gender in this way.

What makes me most upset, is that no matter what women chose, it’s never really “right”. We are too much or too little no matter what. I do wonder, if the time will ever come, when we as well will be allowed to be just human beings. Individuals who lives our lives the way that suits us best, without having to face critics from right to left at all times.